About a week ago Griffin and I were at the “Y” to go to for a swim. The “Y” is like a second home to us and because of this Griffin feels very comfortable there.
But on this day there were some flies in the family locker room which started causing Griffin great distress. Griffin loves bugs and has even had large snakes placed around his neck.
But flies are a whole other story. It’s the unpredictability of when and where they’ll fly by that stresses Griffin out. So seeing two of them where we normally don’t made it very difficult for Griffin.
He wasn’t having it and wouldn’t get ready to go into the pool area.
“Mom, kill them!” he kept repeating. All I wanted to do was get in the pool. Momma didn’t have time for this drama!
“Just hurry up and get in the pool. They won’t bother you there” I reassured him.
I could feel myself getting impatient with him. I try to honor Griffin’s anxiety, especially since I also have anxiety but on this day it was a challenge.
In the past creating a story around whatever is bothering Griffin has helped him. For example when it comes to encountering smokers we say that they’re his great-grandparents, who were also smokers. We say that it’s just them coming to say “hello.”
“Give the flies names” I suggested. It helped and before we knew it we were in the pool.
As I thought back on the day I couldn’t help but feel like I could have been more patient with Griffin, this is a common theme. I also feel like I could do better as a mom.
A day later we were back at the “Y.” I was waiting for Griffin in the lobby when I struck up a conversation with another mom.
We soon realized that she had been in the locker room at the same time as the great fly debacle of 2018 😉
I expressed how I felt like I could have been more patient. That having a child with special needs makes me feel like I can never make mistakes and when I do, which is often, I feel like I’ve let him down.
We continued to talk about motherhood. It was just as she was about to leave that she told me she thought I had been very patient with Griffin that day in the locker room.
I didn’t realize how much I needed an outsider to tell me that until she did.
I probably will always feel like I could be doing more for Griffin, that I could show him more patience in any given situation. But I know that every parent feels that way no matter who their child is and that makes me feel less alone. Knowing this also helps me be kinder and more patient with myself.
This past weekend Tom and I went for an overnight getaway because my mom was in town and we really needed it.
We visited the town of Cedarburg, WI. Tom had read about how charming and historical the town is, so we decided to check it out. I grew up in Williamsburg, Va, so historical towns have a very special place in my heart.
One of the things Tom researched was places for us to stay in Cedarburg. He found a bed and breakfast called “The Stagecoach Inn Bed and Breakfast.” I was reluctant to stay there because we’ve stayed in other bed and breakfast inns and I just didn’t feel comfortable. So we stayed somewhere just outside of the town.
Despite not staying at the Stagecoach, we decided to check it out and grab a drink at their pub.
As soon as we walked in I knew the Stagecoach was a special place. One of the owner’s, Bill came over to our table and started talking with us. We left and agreed to come back the next day on our way back home.
The next day we returned and when I say magical things happened I’m not exaggerating. When we walked in, Bill and his friend were playing music and singing. Bill called out to us and remembered our names, what we do for work and even remembered Griffin’s name.
We met Bill’s wife Anne, who was so kind and welcoming. She shared with us that in the past she had worked with a child on the autism spectrum.
At some point Bill asked me if I sang and I said yes not thinking much of it.
Then before I knew it I was up and singing.
I haven’t sung in public in this way in over five years. I’ve been dealing with challenges both as a mother, artist, and human that have put my passion for singing and acting on hold. I want to sing but my song just hasn’t been there.
But then it happened. All of the sudden I was singing a song that I had never sung before in front of strangers that quickly became friends. They were all so supportive and kind.
“Somewhere Over The Rainbow” was not my first choice and when it was suggested I was like “no I can’t sing that!” “Why?” someone asked. “Is it because you don’t know it? I was like “no” because Judy Garland sang it!
Well the support I got made it impossible for me not to sing the song. We found a key that fit my voice and away I went!
After I sang I explained to everyone how special this moment was for me. I shared how I hadn’t sung in public in over five years. I got so many hugs and a new found energy and confidence I didn’t have before I visited and sang. I even sang more songs!
I wasn’t planning on singing and this was the first time I have ever sung “Somewhere Over The Rainbow.” It wasn’t perfect but it was a very special moment for me.
We can’t wait to stay at the Stagecoach and sing with our new friends again soon 🙂
Snakes, Spiders, and most bugs are welcome in Griffin’s world but flies, forgettabout it.
It’s the not knowing when or if the fly will buzz by him that causes Griffin major anxiety and forces me to be on fly squashing duty 😉
So here he is wearing earplugs and headphones as he plays piano in and effort to prevent hearing the fly buzz by.
I love Griffin so much and having this reminder of just how complex his world can be breaks my heart.
I’m in awe of the beauty of this picture. Despite his fears he keeps playing on and showing up as the person he is suppose to be.
I studied music improv and couldn’t be more proud of Griffin right now. He was playing video games, can you guess which one?
I didn’t want him to see me too soon, so enjoy the view of our turtle Lilac.
He gave me permission to share this with you 🙂
Today was a big day for Griffin, he got contacts!
I wasn’t sure how much time he would need to get used to wearing contacts. But as usual Griffin surprised me with his quick learning and eagerness to learn a new skill.
The staff was amazed at how quickly he mastered putting the contacts in and taking them out. “This normally takes hours for people!” they commented.
We love to go on nature walks and hikes and being able to wear contacts is going to make these activities so much more enjoyable for him.
Who knew a brief interaction with a neighbor could bring about so much reflection