I Wish Things Could Be Less Complicated

There are some days, like today, when it really hits me. I wish it didn’t have to be so complicated.

In an effort to better understand Griffin and his behaviors his therapist wants me to fill out this sheet every time a behavior occurs. I’m to list what happens before the behavior, the behavior, and then whatever consequence he has after the behavior. This all makes perfect sense. I’m just trying to sort through my feelings of guilt, self-doubt, and just plain exhaustion. I’m trying to embrace where we’re at in this moment.

I wouldn’t change Griffin for the world. I just wish I was better at being his mom. I wish it could be easier, even for a moment. I wish I didn’t live in fear and self-doubt. I wish I knew that it would all work out.

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